MY TIME TO HEAL

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.  I AM STARTING TO FEEL A HEALING PROSSES IS HAPPENING.  IT IS SIX AND HALF YEARS SINCE RJ PASSED A WAY.   OFF AND ON I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING MY NAME CHANGE.  ONE DAY IN MAY OF 2010   I WENT TO THE SOCIAL SECURITY AND ASK HOW DO I GO ABOUT GETTING A NAME CHANGE.  SHE SAID A LOT OF THING AS TO BE DONE FIRST.  I TOOK THE INFORMATION AND LEFT DISAPPOINTED I WAS ALSO SO OVER WHELMED THAT I AND A HARD TIME BREATHING AND I DID NOT DEAR TO DRIVE YET. SO I JUST SAT IN MY CAR TRYING TO THINK  WHO I COULD CALL THAT WOULD UNDERSTAND AND AVAILABLE.  I GOT A HOLD OF MY NIECE AND SHE HELP ME THROUGH.  ABOUT A HOUR LATER , I STARTED TO FEEL A HEALING TAKING  PLACE,  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.   IT FELT GOOD AND I FELT A TASTE OF FREEDOM.  I NEW RIGHT THEN THAT I NEEDED TO KEEP GOING.
 I WENT TO THE COURT HOUSE AND THEY GAVE ME A EMAIL TO GET THE INFORMATION,  SO I LOOK ON THE INTERNET AND READ IT.   IT WAS OVER WHELMING FOR ME THAT I GOT A FRIEND THAT IS A LAWYER.  AND HE HELP ME WITH THE PAPERS THAT I NEEDED.   AND ONE OF THE LETTERS THAT I HAD TO FILL OUT . THEY HAD TO SEND IT.   TO CHECK MY BACK GROUND CHECK.    WELL WHEN THE TIME CAME TO SEE THE JUDGE.  I WAS SO NERVOUS , BUT WHEN THE TIME CAME MY FRIEND THE LAWYER, WAS THERE WITH IS CLIENT.  WELL WHEN IT WAS MY TURN TO GO UP MY FRIEND WENT UP WITH ME .  AND BEFORE I NEW IT.  IT WAS OVER AND DONE SO FAST THAT I FELT STUN OR WHAT HAPPEN .  ALL OF THE SUDDEN.  MY NAME WAS CHANGE.    EVER SINCE THEN .  EVERY TIME I WRITE MY NAME NOW I FELT A BABY STEP OF HEALING TAKING PLACE.  AND IT FEELS SO GOOD AND I EVEN FEEL HUNGRY FOR THAT HEALING.   I KNOW IT MIGHT BE DIFFERENT FOR OTHERS HOW THE DEAL WITH THINGS BUT WITH ME.  THIS FEELS SO AMAZING AND I FEEL  LIKE NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW. OR HURT ME AGAIN.  (NOBODY!)
I'M SURE MY FEELINGS MIGHT GET HURT .  BUT I MEANT IS THAT.   I WONT LET IT GET TO ME. I HOPE THAT I NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN OF WHAT I DID GONE THROUGH.