SUFFERING A DEPRESSION OF ABANDONMENT

IT WAS ABOUT ONE OR TWO YEARS.  AFTER RJ FATHER.DIED.    I DECIDED TO WRITE A BOOK AND TO TRY TO HELP PEOPLE.  WELL WHEN I GOT UP TO THE ABUSE  THAT MY HUSBAND DID .  I WAS STRUGGLING AND I HAD A HARD TIME BREATHING.  THEN I THOUGHT , I NEED TO TAKE  A BRAKE.  SO I WENT OUT SIDE TO GET THE MAIL.  MY BREATHING GOT WORSE. AND I FOUND MY SELF RUNNING TO THE MAILBOX AND BACK IN TO HOUSE.  THEN I WAS SLOWLY GETTING BETTER.  I CALLED MY COUNCILOR. THAT I WAS SEEING AT THE TIME.  AND I TOLD HER WHAT HAPPEN TO ME AND SHE SAID I WAS RELIVING THE EVENT.  I AT FIRST COULD NOT UNDERSTAND FOR GOING OUTSIDE WOULD BE A PROBLEM.  WELL IT CAME TO ME. SOME TIME LATTER THAT .MY HUSBAND TOLD ME THAT IF I LEAVE THE HOUSE I WOULD LOSE RJ.

ANOTHER TIME WAS WHEN I WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE THAT WE LIVED.  I DID NOT WANT THE PAST CONTROL ME SO THE PERSON THAT LIVED THERE SHE LET ME IN AND I EXPLAINED WHY I WAS THERE .  THEN WHEN I GOT TO THE BEDROOM I STARTED TO HAVE PROBLEMS AGAIN OF HARD BREATHING.  I DIDN'T NOW WHAT TO DO BUT ONLY RUN OUT OF THE HOUSE. ANOTHER TIME.   I WAS SCARED AT FIRST ABOUT COOKING  BECAUSE MY HUSBAND ALWAYS MAKING BAD STATEMENTS ABOUT MY COOKING ALL THE TIME .  WELL I DID NOT WANT   THIS TO KEEP ME FROM COOKING.   WILL ONE DAY DURING MY PRACTICING.COOKING .  I WAS STILL HUNGRY SO I GOT A SECOND PLATE OF FOOD.  AND I STOP AND STARTED TO CRY BECAUSE MY COOKING MUST OF BEEN GOOD TO GET A SECOND PLATE OF FOOD.  WELL SOME TIME AFTER RJ PAST MY EMOTION GOT WORSE AND GOING UP AND DOWN SO FAST .  THAT I WAS ADVICE A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE SAID YOU MIGHT HAVE O.C.D  WELL I WENT TO THE DOCTORS AND I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS SUFFERING WITH DEPRESSION OF ABANDONMENT, OCD,ANXIETY, AND PMDD. I AM NOT SURE IF THAT IS ALL OF THEM.  WELL THE MEDS THAT I AM ON IS HELPING ME AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE HELP TO START FEELING GOOD AGAIN.
TO THE READERS IF THERE IS SOMEONE THAT IS SUFFERING WITH ANYTHING THERE IS HELP.  I DON'T LIKE BEING ON MEDS BUT LIFE IS NOT EASY AND FOR THE HELP OF GOOD DOCTORS THAT CARE WILL FIND WHAT WILL WORK FOR YOU   PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP  FROM SOME ONE CARES  RJ'S MOM