RJ LAST HOURS

I NEVER NEW FOR SURE WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR MY LITTLE MAN TO GO, AND LEAVE THIS EARTH.  BUT THIS TIME I DID NEW.  HE FOUGHT SO MANY SICKNESS OFF AND SMILED AFTER WARDS . I WOULD OF COMPLAIN LONGER THEN HE DID.  ON THIS DAY I WAS NUMB MOST OF THE TIME AND DID NOT NOW FOR SURE WHAT TO DO BUT BE SIDE HIM ALL THROUGH THE TIME.  HE WAS NOT FEELING GOOD AT HIM THURSDAY NIGHT AND I LET HIM STAY THE NIGHT ON THE COUCH.  AND I SLEEP ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO THE COUCH.  FRIDAY MORNING CAME.  I HEARD CHILDREN OUT SIDE WALKING TO SCHOOL.  A FEW MINUTES LATER.  RJ MADE A TIRED NOISE AND I SAID WHAT IS IT RJ, ARE YOU OK SON.  HIS OXYGEN  TANK WENT OFF AND ON WITH THE NOISE.  HIS MONITOR OF BREATHING LEAVEL WENT UP AND DOWN TO LOW.  SO I CALLED 911.  THEY RUSHED HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.  RJ LUNGS WAS FILLED AGAIN AND COULD NOT FIGHT IT OFF THIS TIME.

HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL TELL SUNDAY AFTERNOON.  IN THE MEANTIME THE NURSES WERE COMING AND GOING IN HIS ROOM.  AND THEY ARE MY FAVORITE NURSES FOR MY LITTLE RJ.  AND I WAS VERY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING THEM.  THERE WAS A COUPLE TIMES THAT IT SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS CHOKING AND SO I DID SOME PURCAIONS (TAPING HIS CHEST TO BREAKUP THE STUFF THAT'S IN HIS LUNGS.  IT MADE IT WORSE.  SO THE NURSE CAME IN AND GOT HIM WHERE HE WAS AT BEFORE I TAP HIS CHEST.  THE DOCTOR TALK TO ME ABOUT THE LIFE SUPPORT AND WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF I USE IT.  HE ALSO TOLD ME ABOUT HIS LUNGS AND THAT HE HAS NOT MUCH TIME LEFT.  I WAS SO NUMB AND FELT LIKE I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I DID NOT WANT HIM TO SUFFER ON THE LIFE SUPPORT.  RJ CONDITION OF HIS SICKNESS WOULD NOT IMPROVE.  SO I DECIDED TO LET RJ BE FREE FROM HIS BODY.  HAS I WATCH HIS BREATHING LEAVEL GO DOWN AND DOWN I WAS PACING BACK AND FORTH IN AND OUT OF THE ROOM.  I DID WATCH HIM TAKE HIS LAST BREATH.  AND I LISTEN TO THE DOCTOR GIVE THE TIME.  OH I JUST DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY.  I JUST DID NOT WANT TO SEE HIM SUFFER AND WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR HIM.  HE PASSED AWAY NOVEMBER 23 OF 2003 AND WAS BURIED A DAY BEFORE THANKS GIVING .  I WANTED HIM IN A WHITE CASTKET AND PURPLE FLOWERS AND WHITE FLOWERS.  I KNOW THAT I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN AND I KNOW THAT HE IS RUNNING AND PLAYING WITH OTHER CHILDREN AND TALKING UP A STORM OVER THERE.    RJ I LOVE YOU AND SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOME DAY THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU AND TAKING CARE OF ME.  YOU GAVE ME A HOME TO STAY IN AND A JOB TO LIVE ON.   I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. AND WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER SOME DAY  LOVE MOMMY.